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Let’s work together to protect older Queenslanders this Elder Abuse Awareness Day

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Now is the time to talk about elder abuse.

As communities across Australia begin the slow recovery from the COVID-19 pandemic, we all must recognise the increased risk that older members of our communities have faced, and continue to face, as a result of elder abuse. 

Staff within our services here at Relationships Australia Queensland have reported an increase in requests for assistance from older Queenslanders at risk of, or experiencing, elder abuse. This is consistent with reports from other services and researchers both in Australia and overseas. 

While support services are critical in assisting older people who are experiencing abuse, we also need to raise awareness of how we can all better protect and safeguard senior members of our communities to ensure they aren’t left without connections and support during the COVID-19 recovery. 

With this year’s World Elder Abuse Awareness Day (WEAAD) coming up on Monday 15 June, we believe there is no better time for us to talk about elder abuse. 

Let’s start by considering why and how elder abuse occurs. 

 

Stress, hardship and relationship breakdown often lead to elder abuse

Elder abuse refers to any act that causes harm to an older person and is carried out in the context of a relationship of trust, such as a family member or friend.

Elder abuse is a highly complex issue with no clear single type of victim or perpetrator. It can take a range of forms including physical, financial, emotional, social and sexual, along with neglect. A person often experiences more than one form of abuse at a time. 

Elder abuse can be intentional or unintentional. It can be easy to recognise and intervene, or it can be hidden in relationships for months or even years. 

Some common factors that contribute to elder abuse include:

  • Ageism — Negative attitudes of older people result in discrimination or mistreatment.
  • Cohabitation — Elderly parents sharing living arrangements with adult children.
  • Vulnerability — Risk increases in those who are socially isolated, in poor health, dependant on others, and have infrequent access to formal care.
  • Inheritance impatience — A pre-emptive sense of ownership of an older person’s assets.

During COVID-19, we have seen a considerable number of people experiencing financial hardship. This can lead to disputes and sometimes breakdown in family relationships as a result of lending money, shared living arrangements and changing legal arrangements such as wills and enduring powers of attorney. 

We know that financial abuse is the most commonly reported form of elder abuse, and this includes pressuring, threatening or coercing an older person to make decisions that aren’t in their best interests. 

So what can we do to better safeguard older people from abuse?

 

Social connections are the key to prevent, recognise and respond to elder abuse

It is well known that one of the strongest protective factors in preventing older people from experiencing abuse is strong and regular social connections with their loved ones, friends, neighbours, care workers and with their wider community. 

Each and every social interaction an older person has with someone else — whether it be a visit from a neighbour, a cup of tea with a friend, a visit to the doctor, or a trip to the store — is an opportunity to create supportive relationships and to recognise any early warning signs. 

In the COVID-19 environment, physical distancing measures have meant that many of these opportunities for social connection have disappeared. 

When many of us have gone online to replace our need for social connection, many older members of our communities don’t have the same access to or confidence in using technology. 

Older people who were previously living independently in their own homes with the support of aged care services, their doctor, neighbours and relationships in their communities, are now vulnerable to elder abuse, and the opportunity for others to recognise and respond is less. 

 

Ending elder abuse is everyone’s responsibility

As we approach this year’s World Elder Abuse Awareness Day on 15 June, we ask that you join us in recognising the importance of safeguarding older Queenslanders and taking steps to end elder abuse.

Here are a few of the ways you can help:

  1. Take 15 minutes out of your day on Monday 15 June to have a conversation about elder abuse with a family member or friend, or with your colleagues at work. 
  2. Think about whether there’s anything you might be able to do to connect with older people, including your loved ones, neighbours or those you interact with in your work.
  3. Learn about how to recognise the common warning signs of elder abuse, and how to take action if you suspect someone might be experiencing elder abuse. 

For more information or to learn about what services are available through Relationships Australia Queensland, visit our website at https://www.raq.org.au/services/senior-relationship-services or call us on 1300 364 277. 

If it’s an emergency and you believe that you or someone you know is currently unsafe, you should call 000.

Response to Black Lives Matter from CEO Ian Law

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I, along with millions around the world, have watched with dismay as racial tensions escalate globally and echo the calls for social, structural and systemic reform here in Australia.

Relationships Australia Queensland remains committed to reconciliation and our work with First Nations peoples.

We stand in solidarity with First Nations peoples in seeking peaceful resolution to address racism, and the social and structural imbalance of the system that they have inherited through colonisation.

We recognise First Nations peoples and support their right to self-determination.

Our work is focused on building respectful relationships where there is no place for violence.

Types of Anxiety

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The word ‘anxiety’ is thrown around a lot these days. There are endless memes about anxiety circulating social media, and the topic is (thankfully) becoming less taboo in mainstream media.

We all feel anxious now and then – it’s a normal part of life. But having an anxiety disorder is a lot different to simply feeling anxious before a big presentation or going for a job interview.

Anxiety is the most common mental health condition in Australia. Research shows more than a quarter (28%) of young Aussies are living with anxiety, and the numbers continue to rise each year.

Some people may not realise ‘anxiety’ is an umbrella term that includes many different mental conditions. Knowing some of the common types of anxiety might help you better understand the differences between these mental illnesses.

 

Generalised Anxiety Disorder

Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) is characterised by excessive anxiety and worry in everyday situations where someone without this condition might not see a reason to feel anxious or worried.

People with GAD are anxious, worried, and have a feeling of dread that something bad will happen most of the time – not just when a stressful event provokes it. Seemingly small inconveniences like being late for an appointment can lead to uncontrollable and exaggerated worry. These feelings are intense, persistent, and can impact their everyday lives and relationships.

 

Social Anxiety Disorder

Social Anxiety Disorder (or social phobia) is more than just feeling nervous before giving a speech or being too shy to introduce yourself at an event.

This condition involves an intense fear of social situations – particularly situations that are unfamiliar or where you feel you’ll be watched or judged by others. People with social anxiety might feel excessively self-conscious in everyday social situations, and have intense anxiety for a long period of time leading up to a social event.

Some triggers of social anxiety might include meeting new people, speaking up in a meeting at work, going on a date, or using public restrooms. Some people with this disorder go to great lengths to avoid social situations, which can have a significant impact on their life.

 

Panic Disorder

Panic Disorder involves repeated, unexpected, and disabling panic attacks that aren’t always caused by a specific situation. Panic attacks might happen without any warning or trigger, and can involve hyperventilation, racing heart, shaking, dizziness, and fear of death.

People with a panic disorder often worry about having their next panic attack, and might even avoid places where they’ve had a panic attack in the past out of fear it might trigger another one.

 

Agoraphobia

You might have heard this term being used to describe someone who is afraid to leave their home, but that’s a common misconception. Agoraphobia isn’t just a fear of leaving the house – it’s a fear of situations and places that might make you have a panic attack or feel stressed, trapped, or embarrassed. It can be a result/complication of a panic disorder.

People with agoraphobia might be scared to leave their home or leave their home on their own, be in a crowd or waiting in a queue, use public transport, visit enclosed spaces like movie theatres or small shops, or visit open spaces like a car park or shopping centre.

 

Specific Phobias

While it’s not unusual to be afraid of certain things like snakes, heights, or flying on a plane, people with a phobia experience feelings of panic and terror that others might consider irrational and out of proportion to the threat. Many people with a phobia even recognise that their anxious response is exaggerated, but can’t help it. Research shows specific phobias generally develop in childhood and are twice as likely to be diagnosed in women compared to men.

A specific phobia might be related to animals or insects, thunder or heights, blood or needles, bridges or driving, and just about anything else you can think of that is subjectively unpleasant (or seemingly ordinary). Some people with specific phobias experience related panic attacks and generally avoid situations where they may be faced with the phobic stimulus.

 

These are just some of the different types of anxiety. There are many other mental health conditions where anxiety is present, including Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Many people with other mental health conditions also experience anxiety, and people with an anxiety disorder often experience other conditions, such as depression.

Our tertiary-qualified counsellors are experienced in supporting people with anxiety and other mental illness. Learn more about our counselling options and how to book an appointment here.

 

If you’re living with anxiety, you might find this advice from one of our counsellors helpful.

What is Mediation?

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Mediation can be a great way to help two or more people in conflict agree on a mutually acceptable solution.

It might be useful for neighbours disputing over a fence, an employer and employee resolving an issue in the workplace, or helping separated families divide property and/or agree on childcare arrangements.

But what exactly does a mediator do? And how does mediation help?

Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) Practitioner Tara Roberts and FDR Clinical Supervisor and Conflict Coach John Cleary shed some light on family mediation and dispute resolution here.

 

Who uses mediation?

As we touched on above, mediation can be used in a wide range of settings and situations. In this article, we’ll be focusing on family dispute resolution.

Family mediation or dispute resolution is available to anyone who is separating or has separated, including those in de facto or same-sex relationships, and those with or without children.

Mediation can help each party respectfully negotiate issues around parenting, property, finances and more to reach agreements that work for everyone.

 

How does mediation work?

The process is tailored to suit the needs of each party, but it generally starts with an individual intake session to determine whether mediation is a suitable solution.

“After a pretty thorough intake, clients can expect that a mediator will introduce them safely into a structured, problem-solving conversation,” John explains.

“That means that the clients will build an agenda together, artfully shaped by the mediator to maximise its potency. They’ll spend two or three hours per session working through that agenda, considering the problems that sit under each question, and developing ideas for managing the issues better. Then, they will hopefully arrive at some self-authored and mutually understood agreements.”

These sessions normally take two to three hours, and it’s not unusual to require more than one session. You also have the option to discuss with your mediator how the agreements reached can be made legally binding.

 

What does a mediator do?

A mediator acts as a neutral third party to help people in a dispute come to an agreement. Tara explains that the mediator facilitates a discussion that is future-focused and child-focused.

“We aren’t there to make decisions on behalf of the clients,” she says. “We are there to monitor and keep the conversation respectful and about the children. We attempt to move clients from their positions to their interest, from their past to their future, and to their shared goal – which would be their child/ren.”

 

How does mediation help?

This service has many benefits, including:

  • Private and confidential
  • Takes place in a safe and neutral environment
  • Supports positive decision-making
  • Solutions are negotiated and self-determined
  • Builds problem-solving and conflict management skills
  • Can encourage cooperation and improve communication between parties.

“Mediation can help in a number of ways,” Tara says.

“It’s a future-focused discussion which can be helpful when there is a lot of emotion around. It can also be a slow process with minimum of three steps – but that’s a good thing, because we want to prepare our clients and give them lots of resources and child development information.”

John adds that mediation can be extremely beneficial for children of separating parents.

“The benefits to the children of the relationship are probably immeasurable,” he says. “In so many studies, the common sentiment of children involved in separation is for parents to stop fighting and to leave them out of adult issues. Children know best in these matters but are our uncounted customers.”

 

You can learn more about our Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) program here, or call us on 1300 364 277 for help finding the right service for your circumstances.

Self-Isolation and Depression

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Social interaction is a fundamental human need – so it’s no wonder the global ‘social distancing’ movement is causing some of us to feel disconnected and lonely.

But while self-isolation is impacting everyone, people with existing mental health issues like anxiety and depression may feel particularly vulnerable while physically distancing themselves.

Relationship and Family Counsellor Val Holden sheds some light on how this tough time might be impacting our mental health and shares some tips for people who are feeling down in self-isolation.

 

How Social Distancing Impacts Mental Health

If you’re feeling a little out of sorts or downright miserable due to the coronavirus restrictions, you’re not alone. As we keep hearing, these are ‘unprecedented times’ that we’ve never experienced before, and it’s hard to know how to handle such upheaval.

Val explains that it’s normal for people to feel down when our usual routine has been tipped on its head.

“When people can’t get out and do what they normally do and they’re stuck at home, sometimes on their own, life can become very lonely and small,” she says.

“Just to be able to get out to walk on the beach, have a walk around the shops, or go and do the normal things you do in a day is very rewarding and takes you out of yourself. To be stuck at home inside the same four walls all day can become very much like a prison – whether you are mentally well or not.”

“If you couple this with anxiety around your own health and safety, it can compound and become a much bigger issue than just staying at home,” Val explains.

For some, the coronavirus (and a rough start to 2020 in general) has exacerbated symptoms of existing mental health issues. For others, it’s triggered symptoms of depression and/or anxiety that may not have been previously present. And while depression, anxiety, and other mental conditions aren’t something we can simply switch off, Val advises that there are ways we can attempt to improve our mood at this time.

“Depressive feelings and anxiety are not something we can always control,” she says. “People talk of them coming over them in waves, and the feeling of being out of control. But we can control some things in our lives – so start trying to control the little things. Get out of bed, make a nice meal, ring or contact a friend; push yourself to take control of yourself again.”

 

Warning Signs of Depression

Everyone feels down from time to time. It’s a normal part of life, and if you ask us, a global pandemic is a pretty understandable trigger for feelings of hopelessness and despair.

Some of the signs and symptoms of depression might include:

  • Feeling overwhelmed, irritable, disappointed, and sad
  • Withdrawing from friends and family
  • Not doing usual enjoyable activities
  • Not finding joy in things you normally would
  • Finding it hard to concentrate
  • Relying on alcohol and other substances
  • Feeling tired or run down all the time
  • Loss or change in appetite
  • Changes in sleep patterns.

“Withdrawing into yourself, not answering text messages, phone calls, or being on social media could all be warning signs,” Val adds.

 

Practical Tips to Cope

Of course, everyone’s experience with depression and other mental illness is unique, and it’s often best to seek professional advice specific to your individual circumstances. But there are a few things you can do at home if you’re feeling down in self-isolation.

Val recommends keeping yourself busy and taking advantage of some extra free time to do things you enjoy or have been putting off.

“Find a hobby, or do something you have always wanted to do but have never had the time,” she says. “Pull out that jigsaw puzzle you never started, read a book that’s been on your bookshelf for ages, find a funny movie to watch, go for a walk, or plan a trip for when things are better. Push yourself to make contact with family and friends via phone, Zoom, or social media.”

During this time of disruption, it’s important to try and maintain as much ‘normal’ as you can.

“Try and make an effort to have a routine in your life,” Val suggests. “Even if you don’t have to leave the house, keep to a routine. Get up and shower, have something to eat, find a nice sunny spot to have your morning coffee.”

Val also recommends limiting exposure to news and newsfeeds around the coronavirus, and reminds us that ‘this too shall pass’.

“Life may change, but it does go on,” she says. “Family and friends care and just want to know you are OK.”

If you’re struggling to cope on your own, you can access our counselling over the phone or via Zoom video chat. Call 1300 364 277 Mon-Fri 8am-8pm or Sat 10am-4pm to make an appointment.

Worried your partner might be having a tough time? Check out our tips for how to support a partner with depression.

Keeping Yourself Safe Online

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Are you at risk of being targeted for online abuse? Let’s take a moment to think about safety when using devices that are connected to the internet.

Social media, video-conferencing apps, voice calls and text chats have been helping to bridge the physical divide brought about by COVID-19. So we have been working, learning and socialising online more than ever before.

For many Australians, this has been a positive experience. For others, though, they are more at risk than ever when it comes to experiencing online abuse such as stalking, sharing of intimate images, or harassment. While these abusive tactics are not new, the eSafety Commissioner of Australia has seen almost double the usual number of reports in the past month.

 

Am I at risk?

You may be at risk if you are:

  • A survivor of domestic and family violence
  • A survivor of stalking.

You may be at higher risk than normal if you know that your abuser has had physical access to an unlocked digital device that you possess. This is heightened even more if that person also has a medium-to-high level of technical skill.

 

What actions can I take?

If you are the target of online abuse, please remember that it is not your fault. You are not on your own, and there are practical steps you can take to protect yourself and to deal with the abuse. We’ve compiled some tips from reputable sources such as the eSafety Commissioner and WESNET to help you stay emotionally and physically safe from online abuse.

 

Stay safe on your devices:

  • Avoid downloading apps that track your location or contacts unless you are confident your phone has not been compromised by spyware.
  • Report image-based abuse to eSafety, who can help to remove intimate images and videos that have been shared without consent and provide access to counselling and support.
  • Avoid revealing personal details such as your address, email address, phone number and birthdate on any apps or other online platforms.
  • Disable location services on your devices and avoid ‘checking in’ to places and venues.
  • Enable Bluetooth only when needed and ‘remove’ paired devices when you are not using them.
  • On Apple devices, turn off Airdrop to avoid being sent content by people you don’t know.
  • If you’re meeting with people and you don’t want it known, leave your phone at a safe distance from people you are meeting with, or consider leaving it behind if it is safe to do so.
  • Trust your instincts.
  • Take legal action if it is appropriate and if you feel up to it. If technology is being used to abuse, stalk, threaten or defame you, there are Commonwealth, state and territory laws that may apply.

 

Stay safe on your social media accounts:

  • Check the settings of your social media accounts to keep your personal information private.
  • Update your settings so that others cannot tag or post videos or photos of you.
  • Avoid hashtagging anything you don’t want to become public.
  • Avoid posting content online that may put you or your family at risk, such as revealing where you go and what you do together.
  • Report any abuse to the social media service’s safety centre. Depending on the platform, you can generally also report, block, ignore or mute the abuse.

 

If you are in danger right now, contact police on Triple Zero (000).

For non-emergencies, you can call the Police Assistance Line on 131 444 or contact your local police station.

If you are unsure on how to change settings to help protect yourself please seek assistance. These resources from eSafety Commissioner and WESNET are a good place to start.

What’s an Emotionally Abusive Relationship?

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Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner? Do they make you feel like you never measure up? Do you feel confused, controlled, or even scared in your relationship? You could be experiencing emotional abuse.

While physical abuse is generally easy to identify, it can be harder to recognise when you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship. But does that mean emotional abuse isn’t as serious or dangerous as physical abuse? No.

“That’s a little bit like asking ‘Is it more harmful to put your hand in the fire or in a saucepan of cold water and bring it to the boil slowly’?” Relationship Counsellor Shirley Hussie explains.

“Both physical and emotional abuse have the potential to be harmful to one’s physical, psychological, mental, and spiritual wellbeing. The problem with emotional abuse is that because there are no physical signs or obvious marks caused by the abuse, the person being abused often minimises the behaviour because they believe it’s their fault,” she states.

“Emotional abuse often occurs for many years before the person being abused recognises it for what it is and that what is happening is not OK.”

We asked Shirley to share some warning signs you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship, and her advice for someone in this situation.

 

Types of Emotional Abuse

Someone might use emotionally abusive behaviours in an attempt to intimidate, manipulate, and control their partner, and make them question their self-worth.

“The person doing the abusing has developed subtle and insidious ways to ensure they have control,” says Shirley.

“When you are feeling worthless and confused, the abuser feels powerful and in control.  They will do their best to convince you that no one else will love you the way they do, for you are fundamentally flawed.”

Emotional abuse comes in many forms, including:

  • Trivialising things that are important to you, like your interests, passions, or concerns. They may act like nothing that is important to you is as important as what’s important to them.
  • Being treated like a child and not taken seriously.
  • Verbal abuse, e.g. belittling your accomplishments, making sarcastic jokes about your looks or behaviour, name calling, put-downs and insults.
  • Being ‘shut down’ when trying to communicate. This can include physical gestures such as hand raising, or simply walking away and ignoring you.
  • Dehumanising behaviours such as not looking at you when you’re having a conversation.
  • Lecturing you and not listening to what you have to say when you make a bid for connection and attempt to make conversation.
  • Judging and criticising your life, your work, your family and friends, the way you do things, your appearance, and so on.
  • Changing behaviours when in public. They might portray themselves as charming, kind and caring when in public, yet disrespectful, uncaring, and unkind when behind closed doors.
  • Jealous behaviour, e.g. not wanting you to spent time with friends or family or not wanting you to spend time doing the things you enjoy. This behaviour can appear as romantic in the beginning with your partner saying that they would rather the two of you just be together. But this is a common manipulation technique used to eventually isolate you from as many people as possible.
  • Feeling pressured into having sex or feeling manipulated into performing sexual acts you are not comfortable with.
  • Feeling pressured into using drugs or alcohol when you have said you do not wish to partake.
  • Monitoring your whereabouts and constantly checking in/keeping tabs with messages and phone calls when you’re apart.
  • Checking your phone and deleting messages or contacts, e.g. deleting Facebook friends.
  • Being blamed for your partner’s problems and being told that everything that is wrong with the relationship or in their life is your fault.

These are just some of the types of emotional abuse, and they can happen to people of all ages and genders.

“I have worked with many people from all different walks of life who have shared their story of being emotionally abused. It can happen to anyone,” says Shirley.

 

Signs of Emotional Abuse

As an experienced relationship counsellor, Shirley has worked with many people living with emotional abuse. She states that often, clients on the receiving end of emotional abuse aren’t aware that this is what they’re experiencing.

“They often identify as feeling ‘emotionally beaten’, but think it is normal behaviour,” she explains.

Some of the common signs that you might be experiencing emotional abuse include:

  • Feeling like you’re walking on eggshells around your partner. You might feel like you have to be on high alert and think about your every step. You might feel stressed, unable to relax, and unable to be yourself.
  • Feeling like you’ve ‘lost yourself’ in the relationship.
  • Feeling like nothing you do is good enough for your partner.
  • Feeling unworthy and bad about yourself, lacking confidence, feeling guilty, and feeling inferior compared to your partner.
  • Constantly questioning your own behaviour and second-guessing yourself. The technical term for this is gas lighting. For example, your partner might deny things they have said or done or deny that an argument even took place. Over time, this can leave you questioning your own sanity.
  • Making attempts to speak with your partner about your hurt feelings and being accused of overreacting and being dramatic.
  • Confusion is a big one. You are loved by this person, and you love them, yet you are being abused by them.

“The person doing the abusing does not want you to think clearly,” Shirley explains. “They want you to stay confused, they want you to second-guess yourself. That way, they continue to have control, and the relationship works for them.”

 

Advice for Anyone Experiencing Emotional Abuse

So what can you do if you’re living with an emotionally abusive partner?

Shirley recommends getting some space from your partner if you can.

“Find a way to take a break from the toxic environment so you can begin to think clearly,” she advises. “When you are around the toxicity and in the muddy waters, you cannot make clear decisions.”

Shirley suggests accepting that you can’t make your partner change their behaviours, but you can take responsibility for how you respond.

“Decide to take responsibility for your own life and stop waiting for the abuser to change. The likelihood they will is very slim or more often than not, non-existent,” she says.

“Find the courage to take the steps to take control of your life and say enough is enough.  Know and trust that you are worthy and you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, and respect. Learn to set firm boundaries and know what is and is not acceptable, and make it clear to anyone who crosses those boundary that you will no longer tolerate that behaviour.”

“Learn to love, accept, and respect yourself, and to have compassion for yourself so that you will no longer allow others to disrespect you and treat you in a way that is not aligned with your own values.    You are lovable and you are enough. Put yourself to the top of the priority list – you are worth it.”

Counselling can also be an effective option. Shirley recommends seeking the support of a therapist or counsellor who has experience working in this area.

 

If you’re having a hard time in your relationship and need someone to talk to, you can call us on 1300 364 277 to book individual and/or couples counselling.

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

Read about the signs of a controlling relationship and get more professional advice in this article. Or discover our relationship services, courses, FAQs, and advice here.

Face-to-Face Support Returning as COVID-19 Restrictions are Lifted

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Soon, some of our services will be available to access in person again.

As the Queensland Government eases COVID-19 restrictions, RAQ is transitioning some of our programs back to face-to-face delivery throughout Queensland.

The safety of our clients and staff remains our number one priority as we make this transition, and our actions are based on the latest advice from the World Health Organisation, Australian Federal Government, Queensland State Government, and the Chief Medical Officer.

To meet social distancing requirements, there will be a reduced number of services offered in person. In the meantime, we will continue to offer all other services via phone and online delivery to provide support to everyone who needs it.

For information about what services you can access in person, please contact us on 1300 364 277.

For more information on Novel Coronavirus, call the National Coronavirus Health Information Line 24 hours a day, seven days a week, on 1800 020 080.

A Client’s Experience with Online Counselling During COVID-19

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With everything that’s going on at the moment, we want you to know help is still available when you need it.

Online counselling is a great way to get professional support from the comfort of your home. It could be the perfect option if:

  • You’re following social distancing guidelines
  • You live in a remote area
  • You live with mobility restrictions
  • You don’t have time to get to an in-person appointment
  • You don’t like to leave your home.

We understand you might be hesitant to access online counselling if you’ve never tried it before. So we wanted to share one of the many positive experiences with this service to encourage others to take care of their mental wellbeing, even when they can’t access face-to-face support.

Natasha was kind enough to share her story with us here.

 

Natasha’s Story

Natasha sought support from RAQ when she was having difficulties with her marriage.

“My marriage was irreparable, so I needed support and guidance for my 12-year-old daughter and myself,” she states.

She accessed the online counselling service on both her laptop and her phone. RAQ delivers online counselling via Zoom, a video communication tool that can be used on your computer, laptop, tablet, and smartphone.

Natasha’s favourite thing about online counselling?

“Not having to work through the anxiety of having to get myself physically to the appointment,” she says. “The convenience of being able to have the counselling from my home or work office.”

Reflecting on how online counselling has helped her during this time, Natasha explained, “I have been able to work through the behaviours that kept me repressed and depressed. I’ve been able to better manage my emotions as they arise with the breakdown of the family unit, and help manage my daughter through as well. I have been supported, which means I’ve been able to support my daughter.”

To those thinking about using online counselling, Natasha says, “It’s a great way to access support if you’re time poor or have any anxiety about actually getting to an appointment.”

“The people that I have encountered have been professional, respectful, and resourceful. Their adaptation to information given is a testament to the level of their training and as great human beings.”

We’re delighted by Natasha’s feedback and thank her for sharing her experience.

 

How to Access Online Counselling with RAQ

  • You can access our online counselling services in these easy steps:
  • Phone the Client Contact Centre (Mon-Fri 8am-8pm, Sat 10am-4pm): 1300 364 277
  • You’ll be booked in with a practitioner for an appointment over the phone or over video
  • If you’re booked in over video, you’ll be emailed an invitation link to the Zoom session
  • When you click the Zoom link at the approved appointment time, you’ll be admitted into your private Zoom room with your practitioner.

 

Make the most of your online counselling session with these 10 tips to create a suitable environment.

Separation Checklist Australia

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Separation can be a difficult time for everyone involved.

There’s a lot to think about and a lot to do. You’ll likely have some important decisions to make and loose ends to tie, and it can be overwhelming trying to remember all the necessary steps.

Having some guidelines might reduce some stress and make your de facto or marriage separation process a little easier. While this separation checklist is not exhaustive, we hope it helps you make a start on the practical tasks to address during separation.

If you’re concerned about your safety or that of your children, it’s important to talk with someone as soon as possible.
1800RESPECT 24/7 helpline: 1800 737 732
DVConnect 24/7 helpline: 1800 811 811
If you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.

 

Get Legal Advice

Separation in Australia doesn’t have to involve legal processes, but it’s never a bad idea to get legal advice.

It can be especially helpful to have guidance from a solicitor or mediation service when negotiating parenting arrangements, or if you’re simply feeling overwhelmed.

 

Make Arrangements for Children

Recent statistics show that in Australia, the vast majority of parents are able to agree on parenting arrangements without resorting to court. It can take some time though, especially while everyone processes what’s going on. It’s valuable to have a temporary arrangement in place while you’re making those decisions for the long-term.

Every decision you make as parents needs to be made based on what’s best for your children. For example, if one parent has been the primary carer for the children, it might be sensible for the children to live with that parent while they adjust to the new routine.

Things to consider when separating with children might include:

  • Where the children will live and who will take care of them
  • How much time children will spend with each parent
  • Visitation arrangements including grandparents and other extended family
  • Where children will go to school
  • School fees and other further education expenses for the children
  • Who will hold onto the children’s important documents, e.g. birth certificates and passports.

Learn more about collaborative parenting plans in our Share the Care PDF.

 

Consider Assets and Finances

Depending on your circumstances, you might like to make a list of your shared assets, including finances, furniture and other belongings to help you negotiate who gets what.

  • If you don’t have one already, open a bank account in your name only
  • Talk with your bank about  joint bank accounts or credit cards
  • If you’re renting, talk with your property manager about your lease contract
  • Talk with your insurer about jointly held policies and consider taking out new ones in your name only.

Learn more about negotiating a property settlement in our A Fair Share PDF.

 

Organise Important Documents

Collect or make copies of all of your personal and financial documents such as:

  • Marriage certificate (if applicable)
  • Birth certificate
  • Passport
  • Bank and super statements
  • Insurance policies
  • Payslips
  • Tax records
  • Car registration
  • Bank account, credit card, or store card statements
  • Loan statements
  • Utility bills
  • Property documents
  • Superannuation account statements
  • Government benefit documents.

 

Notify Relevant Organisations

Remove your ex-partner as your emergency contact at your work, doctor, etc.

  • Notify Medicare, Centrelink, and the Australian Tax Office
  • If you’re moving, update your mailing address
  • Change details on your driver’s licence and passport
  • Update details for your superannuation
  • Update your will and powers of attorney
  • Inform your children’s school
  • Inform your doctor
  • Inform your accountant
  • Inform providers of utilities, e.g. gas, electricity, water, phone, and internet.

 

Change Your Passwords

Protect your privacy and security by updating the passwords on all your online accounts. This might include:

  • Banking
  • Wi-Fi
  • PayPal
  • eBay
  • Netflix
  • Email
  • Social media accounts, e.g. Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Twitter.

 

Relationships Australia QLD offers support for individuals and families experiencing separation. Discover our services here or call us on 1300 364 277 to get help finding the right service for you.

For further guidance, these in-depth PDF guides provide helpful information and advice for men and women experiencing separation:

 

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

DVConnect Womensline: 1800 811 811

DVConnect Mensline: 1800 600 636

Sexual Assault Helpline: 1800 010 120

Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800

Lifeline: 13 11 14

If you believe you or your children are in immediate danger, please call 000.