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Coping with the Grief of Coronavirus Cancellations

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Cancelled holidays. Delayed weddings. Limited funeral gatherings.

These are all big events and with their postponement or cancellation come big feelings. But these ‘big things’ aren’t the only changes to life as we know it right now.

Maybe your child’s sports league, which you loved attending, was cancelled for the season.

Or maybe you were really looking forward to getting together with your friends and family for a baby shower.

Or maybe you just miss the comfort of your normal routine – going to the shopping centre, packing the kids off to school, and playing at the playground.

In the grand scheme of things, these inconveniences might seem small; so small that you shouldn’t be too upset. Because, after all, there are much worse things going on in the world. If the worst you experience is to miss out on the local 10km fun run, then you are doing well.

But even though we understand this fact, it doesn’t always help the creeping sadness we can start to feel when we think about all the moments and memories we are missing during this tough time.

 

Is it normal to feel sad about missing out on things because of coronavirus?

Absolutely. And to make it harder, in times like this, we often feel multiple types of grief. This might include specific grief over things you’re experiencing right now, centred around the known impacts to your life, like events or routines.

You could also feel more of an ambiguous grief – one that focuses on the unknown. No-one knows yet how long our lives will be significantly impacted by this pandemic, and so our minds struggle to deal with the ‘what ifs’.

While it’s important to cancel events for the benefit of public health, it’s also important to allow ourselves – and others – to grieve those cancellations. Feeling sad that we are missing out on things important to us does not make us terrible people. It makes us human.

All of these feelings, along with other emotions like frustration and anger, are completely normal to experience in times of disruption and uncertainty.

But it’s important to acknowledge and understand why you feel the way that you do, and to unpack that a little in order to move forward and allow space for more positive emotions and behaviours.

 

Getting through grief you feel about COVID-19 cancellations

Keep in mind that grieving is a process, and it will have ups and downs. One day, you might feel like you’re coming to terms with your ‘new normal’, then the next you might be struggling to make it through the day. Your process will be unique to you, and there is no ‘correct’ way to move through your feelings.

Allow yourself time and be kind to yourself.

What you can do to help yourself

You might be seeing people and images online promoting productivity while you’re stuck at home, but if you don’t feel like learning a new language, baking a new healthy treat every day and getting to work on that novel you’ve always dreamed about, don’t beat yourself up.

Try to stay focused on what is important to you, whatever that looks like.

You might find it helpful to:

  • Stay in touch with your friends and family, and plan dedicated time to spend talking with them
  • Plan something new to look forward to in the future, even if it’s just a barbeque with friends
  • Ask for help from a professional counsellor or psychologist
  • Maintain your physical wellbeing by eating as well as you can and getting outside for approved physical activity
  • Manage stress through self-care activities that resonate with you like listening to music, painting, doing a puzzle or meditating.

Try to do things you enjoy, even if you don’t really feel like doing them in the moment.

How to help someone else going through it

Helping others through this time can be really challenging. We might be physically separated from them, making it hard to figure out exactly what is going on and how they might like to be helped.

We might be in close proximity with them 24/7, making it hard to separate frustration with the situation from frustration with the person – especially if their grief is causing them to act out of character.

We might be struggling with our own emotions, making it hard to find the mental resources to help someone else.

Or we might just not know what to say or do.

The good news is we often don’t need to say or do much at all. It can be as simple as offering love and support.

This could mean you ask how they’re feeling and take the time to listen and understand what they say to you.

Or you might find some joint comfort in talking about interesting topics that are unrelated to grief, loss, and the current situation.

And if you’re in doubt about how best to help them, try asking. They might not know, but asking the question shows that you are there and you care.

If their grief doesn’t seem to be easing over time, it’s important to encourage them to seek professional support.

 

Feeling upset because of all the ways COVID-19 has impacted (and may impact) your life is normal and OK. 

If you need to talk, you can call our telephone counsellors on 1300 364 277.

 

Check out our article on isolating at home with your family for some handy tips on improving your home life through this challenging period.

Grandparents and Coronavirus: How to Bond with the Grandkids from Afar

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The coronavirus is worrisome for everyone, but it’s especially dangerous for older adults.

People aged 65 years and older with existing chronic medical conditions, and people aged 70 years and older, are considered to be at higher risk of serious illness if they’re infected.

As coronavirus has been shown to disproportionally impact older adults, families are facing difficult decisions about whether their children should continue to have physical contact with their grandparents.

Social distancing is one of the best defences against contracting COVID-19. But a lack of in-person contact can be difficult for children and older loved ones who have suddenly found themselves separated.

Luckily, there are plenty of fun activities to help grandparents and grandchildren stay close while they’re apart.

 

Write a Letter with a Twist

Even with the internet at our fingertips, there’s nothing like receiving something in the mail – and this is the perfect time to become pen pals with your grandchildren.

Traditional letters are fun and all, but we think kids will be running to check the mail with these unique ideas.

Use Invisible Ink

Your grandchild will feel like a secret agent uncovering your hidden message written in invisible ink. Follow these steps to make your own invisible ink at home using lemon juice.

Create a Find-a-Word

Another creative way to send a special message, a personalised find-a-word turns a simple note into a fun activity for your grandchild.

Don’t Use Paper

Write inside a book, on the back of a photo, or even on a frisbee. This is a fun way to mix things up and keep your grandchild on their toes!

Write ‘Open When’ Letters

An ‘open when’ letter comes with the instruction to open at a later date or in a specific situation. Grandkids of all ages will love the added element of suspense with these letters. This is a great way to remind them you’re there for them even when you can’t physically be there.

Some ‘open when’ letter ideas include:

  • Open when you miss me
  • Open when you’re feeling blue
  • Open when you want to laugh
  • Open when you have a nightmare
  • Open when you’re feeling unwell
  • Open when you need a pep talk
  • Open on your birthday.

 

Have Fun over Video Calls

You may not be able to play and cuddle in person, but video calls are the next best thing.

Video call apps like Skype, WhatsApp, and FaceTime allow you to see your grandchild’s facial expressions as you talk.

All you need is a smartphone, tablet or computer (with built-in camera or webcam) and an internet connection, and you’re ready for some quality time through your screens.

Read Together

Thanks to video calls, you don’t have to miss out on bonding over picture books. You can read books for fun or help them with their homework by having them read out loud to you.

Have a Dance Party

Put on some music, set up your devices where you can see each other, and bust a move! If you’d prefer to stay seated, try singing nursery rhymes and doing the hand movements to favourites like The Itsy Bitsy Spider and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

Perform a Puppet Show

Treat your grandchild with a front-row seat to their very own private puppet show! Get crafty and draw faces on a couple of wooden spoons, adding a tissue or handkerchief for a dress. Or simply draw eyes and a mouth on a couple of socks. Whatever you use, little ones are sure to be entertained and delighted.

Show and Tell

Show and tells are a great way to get kids talking. You might like to ask your grandchild to give you a tour of their bedroom, show off their favourite toys, or get their pet on video.

Is social distancing impacting your mental health? Discover our practical tips to protect your emotional wellbeing in the coronavirus outbreak, or call us on 1300 364 277. Our telephone counsellors are available Mon-Fri 8am-8pm and Sat 10am-4pm.

Tips for Co-Parenting During COVID-19

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We know parenting comes with its highs and lows, but no one could’ve predicted this.

For many, challenges caused by COVID-19 are adding to the stress of already difficult family circumstances.

School closures, travel bans, and social distancing might interfere with your normal co-parenting arrangements, and navigating these changes can cause anxiety for you and your child.

We hope these co-parenting tips make it easier to get through this difficult time.

 

Keep Your Child Informed

While you may want to protect your child from negative news, talking to them about what’s going on can help them understand why things might be a bit different for a while.

When talking to your child about coronavirus, remember to:

  • Remain calm and reassuring
  • Share information in an age-appropriate way
  • Be sensitive to their fear and anxiety
  • Encourage questions
  • Stick to the facts and explain that some information online isn’t true
  • Don’t share more information than you need to in order to avoid overwhelming them
  • Focus on what you’re doing to stay safe and why changes to routine are necessary.

If possible, talk to your co-parent and agree on the best way to approach the topic so your child is getting consistent messages. With the support of both parents, your child may be able to adjust more quickly and easily to new arrangements.

 

Show Them How to Protect Themselves

One of the best ways to protect your child’s safety is to teach them how to follow health advice. It doesn’t have to be scary – for example, you might like to put on their favourite song while showing them how to wash their hands properly to make it a fun learning activity. Or check out The Wiggles: The Handwashing Song.

Explain why playground equipment is a no-go zone and why playdates are off limits for now, and find alternative options to socialise, like video calls and online games with their friends.

Work together with your co-parent to determine rules around hygiene and social distancing to keep your kid’s safety as your main priority.

 

Be Compliant with Court Orders

You still have to meet the terms of court orders and parenting agreements during COVID-19, unless you have a good reason not to or you both agree on other arrangements.

School closures, travel restrictions, or quarantine rules may mean you’re unable to follow some aspects of your court orders. If this is the case, you’ll need to give your co-parent plenty of notice and work together to come up with a solution that suits everyone.

For example, if you’d normally do changeovers at a café, play centre, or shopping centre that’s now closed due to COVID-19, try to agree on a different changeover location.

Be sure to get any changes to your custody agreement in writing – even if it’s just through text message. Keeping a clear record of changes will help everyone, including the Court, to understand what agreements were reached.

The Family Court of Australia has published an FAQs page with more helpful information on co-parenting and family law.

 

Work with Your Co-Parent

Co-parenting involves making plenty of decisions together – especially right now. Try to be flexible and understanding as you work as a team to keep your child’s best interests as your main priority.

For example, if your co-parent is in self-isolation and it’s unsafe for your child to physically spend time with them, accommodate other ways to communicate, such as over the phone or video calls. Offer to make up for the time apart now with more time together in the future.

Understand that times are tough for your co-parent, too, so try to approach tricky conversations with compassion and open-mindedness.

 

Maintain Routine Where you Can

While you may need to make changes to your normal arrangements, it’s important to try and maintain some sense of ‘normal’ for your child by setting a daily routine.

Routine makes children feel safe. Keeping days structured with regular mealtimes and bedtimes can help bring them a sense of comfort and security during a time of immense change and uncertainty.

 

Keep Up to Date on Important Information

Health advice and government guidelines are changing rapidly. Pay attention to the latest information and updates with reputable sources such as:

 

Look After Yourself

This is a stressful time for everyone, and it’s reasonable to be feeling anxious. A few ways to maintain your emotional wellbeing might include:

  • Staying in touch with friends and family via safe mediums such as text, phone calls, video calls, and letters
  • Finding support from other parents in online groups and forums
  • Eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep
  • Taking a break from negative news in the media.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and need to talk to someone, you can access our telephone counselling on 1300 364 277. Our professional counsellors are available to talk Mon-Fri 8am-8pm and Sat 10am-4pm.

 

Infographic: Tips for Co-Parenting During COVID-19

Keeping you safe and supported: RAQ response to Novel Coronavirus

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We’re doing all we can to make sure we’re still here when you need us.

Here at RAQ, we understand the impact that COVID19 is having on individuals, relationships, families and communities.

That’s why we’re taking steps to ensure we can continue to support you as we navigate this new world together.

We’ve introduced a range of measures focused on protecting the health and safety of clients and staff, including moving all services to phone and video.

Our actions are based on the latest advice from the World Health Organisation, Australian Federal Government, Queensland State Government, and the Chief Medical Officer.

If you have an upcoming appointment you wish to discuss, or you’re in need of support, you can contact us on 1300 364 277 between 8am-8pm.

 

What we’re doing to protect you:

  • Providing all services by telephone or video conferencing
  • Closely following all information and directions from authorities
  • Cancelling all face-to-face staff training in keeping with recommended social distancing practices
  • Cancelling all interstate and intrastate travel, ensuring our staff remain safe and close to home and family
  • Sharing regular ideas on staying connected and emotionally well during social isolation
  • Our management team is monitoring and responding to COVID19 daily

 

What you can do:

  • Protect your emotional wellbeing with these helpful tips
  • Keep your family happy and hopeful in self-isolation with these tips
  • Follow us on Facebook for regular updates and ideas on staying connected and physically and emotionally well

 

For more information on Novel Coronavirus, call the National Coronavirus Health Information Line 24 hours a day, seven days a week, on 1800 020 080.

World Elder Abuse Awareness Day 2019

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In 2017-18 more than 10,900 calls were made to elder abuse hotlines across Australia according to new statistics released by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare. 

A large percentage of elder abuse cases go unreported, due to the abused individual being isolated from support networks or unable to access support if they are suffering from a disability such as dementia. However, the World Health Organization estimates that one in six elderly individuals have been the victims of some form of abuse in the last year.

The term, ‘elder abuse’ is used to describe a collection of behaviors that cause distress or harm to an elderly individual, committed by a person in a position or trust or power.

Elder abuse can include a range of varied behaviors and unique personal circumstances, and due to its subjective nature, can be difficult to predict and identify.

Some common examples of abusive behavior towards an elderly person include: the isolation of the elderly person from social connections and support services, withholding mail and phone calls, misusing the older person’s finances, causing physical harm or injury or threatening the elderly person with violence, treating them like a child, or any conduct that causes the elderly person to feel afraid, powerless or humiliated.

In many cases the perpetrator is a family member, such as an adult child, and they may also be the individual who is responsible for the care of the older person. Elder abuse can arise in situations where the older person is vulnerable due to ageing, but can also be a form of intergenerational family violence.

This Saturday 15 June is World Elder Abuse Awareness Day, providing an opportunity for communities globally to advocate for those affected by elder abuse, raise awareness of the signs that someone is suffering from an abusive relationship and promote avenues for securing help.

At a local level, World Elder Abuse Awareness Day is a reminder for us to check in with our vulnerable family members, friends or neighbors to ensure their care adequately addresses their unique situation and needs, in a manner that enhances their quality of life.

Relationships Australia has been working with families who need help negotiating the complex issues related to ageing and reduce the incidence of elder abuse since 2016, through an elder relationship services pilot.

We have since developed a robust counselling and mediation service model that we have rolled out across the nation.

In March 2019, the Australian Government announced a National Plan to Respond to the Abuse of Older Australians.  This plan provides an overview of the issues that governments, both state and federal, need to act on as a priority, as well as early agreed actions to address them. It sets out a framework for ongoing cooperation, action and monitoring against key priority areas.

Relationships Australia was successful in securing grants under this National Plan to conduct four Elder Abuse case management and mediation service trials across Australia.

These trial services will be conducted by Relationships Australia Queensland, Relationships Australia Northern Territory, Relationships Australia Canberra and Region, and Relationships Australia Western Australia.

Relationships Australia also offers limited counselling and dispute resolution services to families with ageing-related family issues across more than 30 sites in South Australia, Tasmania, Western Australia, Canberra and Region, New South Wales, Queensland and Victoria
Matters of abuse can be overwhelming and difficult for the older person and their family to navigate without support and guidance; however, this doesn’t mean there is no hope for reaching a resolution, and improving the safety and wellbeing of the older person. With Relationships Australia’s new Senior Relationships Services, an elder can access counselling, conflict resolution services and assistance to have difficult conversations with their families relating to their future care. The older person can access services individually, with their family, or have members of their family engage individually.

If you are interested in more in depth discussion about elder abuse,  following the 5th National Elder Abuse Conference in 2018 (sponsored by Relationships Australia) the Seniors Rights Service engaged Ellen Fanning to conduct a series of interviews with experts who attended the conference to discuss aspects of elder abuse and other issues raised at the conference. You can find the videos and other resources here.

Paula Mance is National Policy Manager for Relationships Australia

How satisfied are clients with RAQ’s Gambling Help Service?

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The Gambling Help Service (GHS) is a free service for people affected by problem gambling, and their family members. The service is funded by state governments, and various not-for-profit organisations, including Relationships Australia Queensland (RAQ) provide this service across Australia.

RAQ’s Research Team surveyed 104 clients accessing the GHS to assess their satisfaction with the service they received. The clients reported high levels of satisfaction, with an average score of 41 (Maximum score=48), with more than half reporting that they were ‘very satisfied’ with most aspects of the service, such as, the quality of the program they received and the counsellors knowledge, support and approach.

A large proportion of clients also agreed that they would recommend the service to a friend in need of similar support.

If you or someone you know needs support in relation to gambling, please contact the 24/7 Gambling Helpline on 1800 858 858. More information about this service can be accessed here. 

RAQ Relationships Counsellor celebrates 35 years’ service

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Image: Team Leader Brett Smith (L) congratulates Greg King

After a successful career in Telecommunications and Photography, Greg commenced study to become a counsellor in his 30s, some 40 years ago. The career change was spurred on by a very personal realisation.

“I discovered that there was a different way to manage emotions to what was taught to young men in those days…”

“I discovered that there was a different way to manage emotions to what was taught to young men in those days, and I wanted to understand that and to pass that knowledge on to help others” Greg said. 

Across his career, Greg has worked in various counselling and leadership roles across the state, from Sessional Counsellor in Townsville, to Regional Director in Rockhampton.

The early 2000s saw Greg relocate his family to Brisbane to be near his ageing parents, where he took on the role of Senior Counsellor in Spring Hill’s Domestic Violence program.

As part of his role as a Relationship Counsellor, Greg has worked as a Youth and Family Counsellor at Marsden State High School since 2005. It was here that Greg developed the X-Men program, aimed at supporting high school aged boys who have been referred with emotional and behavioral issues, and many with complex trauma.

“We help the boys learn how to say no to invitations to violence and self-harm…”

“The goal of X-Men is to practice what it means to be a respectful young man, have a healthy relationship with yourself and others, and hold yourself and others accountable for being good citizens” said Greg.

“We also help the boys learn how to say no to invitations to violence and self-harm, and how to ask for help” he added.

X-Men sessions are held three days a week, and attended by students from all grades. The boys support and champion each other, and learn to relate to others without anger, instead relying on four emotions in communication: hurt, sad, scared, and powerless.

Now almost 72, Greg had planned to retire at 65. But his strong sense of purpose and dedication to the boys keeps him going year after year, and he now has no plans to retire in his 70s.

“I have students who are having a really hard time say they’ll stay in school until year 12 only if I can stay doing X-Men until they finish – how can I leave these boys?” he asked.

“It’s been the high point of my career”_

When asked what it means to Greg to have had the opportunity to impact so many young lives in such a positive way over the years, he is visibly emotional.

“It’s been the high point of my career” he said.

“It started with me wanting to understand and build a more positive relationship with my father, have fulfilling, loving relationships with my kids, wanting them to have the same, and then wanting to share it with others.”

“It’s generally in these young boys to do the right thing, but society gets in the way. They just need someone to show them how”.

Neighbour Day 2019

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Neighbour Day is Australia’s annual celebration of community, encouraging people to connect with those who live in their neighbourhood.

Whether through a cuppa, a picnic in the park, or a message of support; Neighbour Day is the perfect opportunity to say thanks for being a great neighbour and for being there to lend a hand.

“I had always wanted to have a caring, connected neighbourhood but didn’t really know where to start. Neighbour Day gave me ideas, tools and an excuse to get on with it. Many people say they have been meaning to get to know their neighbours, but just don’t get around to it. Neighbour Day provides a time frame and and support to do just that.”   Neighbour Day host

When?

Neighbour Day is celebrated on the last Sunday in March every year with the aim of fostering strong personal connections that last the whole year round. Every day can be neighbour day.

The annual theme for Neighbour Day 2019 is Loneliness: What neighbours can do to create connections.  

In 2019, Neighbour Day falls on Sunday 31 March.

Why?

The principal aim of Neighbour Day is to build better relationships with the people who live around us, especially the elderly and vulnerable. Neighbours are important because good relationships with others can transform communities. Social connection also makes us feel better as it helps prevent loneliness, isolation and depression. Neighbour Day brings together like-minded people, resources, and organisations to grow stronger, well connected communities. And make us all feel better about the world!

Who?

Responsibility for Australia’s Neighbour Day belongs to every person, in every community. We want to work with individuals, families, neighbourhoods, communities and organisations to help grow Neighbour Day, so that we can all live in communities that are welcoming, kind and supportive.  More… 

Neighbour Day is managed by Relationships Australia.

Registering your Neighbour Day event

We encourage everyone organising a Neighbour Day event, or planning on doing something neighbourly, to register your action.

By registering you are putting up your hand to show that you and your neighbours want to create a stronger community.

It takes less than 30 seconds to register with our online form!

By registering, you:

  • Get access to our FREE resource e-kit  to help make organising your event easy
  • Help us to see where and how many people have caught the Neighbour Day bug
  • Keep up to date on neighbourly news and ideas

If you prefer not to register your support, you can still access the Neighbour Day resource e-kit.

RAQ spreading Wellbeing

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Lots of research shows us that happiness is linked with longer and more fulfilling lives, better mental and physical health, stronger relationships and many other psychological, social and economic benefits.

But how do we get to happiness?
A team in the UK has created an approach that moves away from mental ill health towards a focus on positive mental health. It is called the Wheel of Wellbeing (WoW), and has been developed over eight years in conjunction with communities and organisations to shape new ways to improve well-being.

WoW is based on six universal aspects of well-being:

• Body
• Mind
• Spirit
• People
• Place
• Planet

The material that makes up the WoW program has been carefully designed to be easy to understand, appealing and accessible to everyone through its use of clear language and a unique, colourful brand and visual style that engages and energises audiences about the subject of living happier lives.

The Queensland State Government is particularly keen on the program, and a few years ago funded RAQ to start a pilot project using WOW in Logan – the Logan Mental Health and Wellbeing Hub.

The Hub has been a big success, thanks to the hard work of RAQ’s Jan Elston, who has raised awareness, built capacity and developed a solid network in the Logan community and beyond. Now, the Queensland Stage Government has awarded us a contract to expand WOW in more locations across Queensland.

Winning the contract demonstrates how far we’ve come in building capacity in mental health and wellbeing, and gives us the opportunity to better people’s lives by building on the fantastic work that Jan has done. Jan will be leading the program, and is already hard at work. Her initial focus is on delivering training in Atherton to build skills and capacity in the new Hub there. She will also be consulting widely to determine the key regions in Queensland where the WoW program would have the greatest impact over the two years of the contract.

Would you like to know more about the Wheel of Wellbeing? Click here: https://www.wheelofwellbeing.org/