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A new paradigm is taking place in today’s world and it speaks of our own personal well-being, the quality of life and how to improve our relationships.

Most book stores have a special section on health and self-development these days, and it appears that the volume of self-help literature has increased in the last decade.

In their essence, they all speak about the same thing – acceptance. What a big word that is, and how difficult it is to achieve.

Accept yourself, accept your neighbour. Just take life as it is and you will live a life full of harmony with the partner of your dreams, well- behaved kids, good friends and everything will be sweet, or not?

When it comes to trouble in our relationships, how often have we heard well-meant remarks like “you can’t change him/ her” or” that’s just how he/she is” or “ just let it go, it will sort itself out”. All this is good and heartfelt advice from the people who love us.

But as much as we have heard these phrases before, we probably laughed out loud at the same time, asking ourselves: “How? How am I meant to accept these annoying little quirks, when they drive me absolutely crazy and to my wits’ end?”

Most people would agree with me, that it is a lot harder to put the big ‘acceptance’ word into reality, than others would have you believe.

We all carry nagging little thoughts like, “Why can’t he just put his dirty laundry into the washing basket or just be a tad more romantic, like the guy in the movie?”

“Why can’t she just stop talking and leave me to myself, so I can tinker in the shed?”

“Why do I have to be the one who apologises first; why can’t he/she make the first step? Why do I always have to give in? What about me?!”

And there it is, the big ME full of unmet needs, hopes and wishes, wanting to be seen and acknowledged first, not the other way around.

Making the first step is a risky endeavour, and puts us into a dangerous position. Possible rejection always lurks around the corner, so fear is absolutely understandable – most human beings have been hurt by others, usually when they were most vulnerable. It is only natural to put up a wall and stay behind it.

But where does that leave us? It leaves us in a stalemate situation, where nobody is willing to make the first step. This is when most people come to relationships counselling, as they find it very hard to solve the problem themselves. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, most couples say that it has made a big difference to have a third party present, who looks at their relationship with a neutral set of eyes.

If you’re in this situation, there are a few strategies which can be helpful: Remind yourself why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. Try to focus on the positive qualities and characteristics your partner has. Take a look at all the areas in your relationship where you work well together.

Take time out as couple; make time for a regular date- night. Take surrounding circumstances into consideration, like stressful work hours or other current difficulties.

Don’t be too hard on yourself or your partner, look for support in friends and family. Seek counselling or other professional help.

And always remember, that accepting something or somebody is not giving in, or brushing things under the carpet. It is actually quite the opposite, as it deals with bringing everything out into the open, so that it can be worked through.

And last but not least, start to love and accept yourself. Most of our relationship troubles come from the idea that our partner is responsible for our own happiness.

This will be the focus of the next blog, where we will have a good look at the grand art of self-acceptance, and why it seems so difficult to embrace ourselves.

Denise Reichenbach, Counsellor – Relationships Australia, Gladstone

Changing our ways is a difficult thing to do. Most people have had the experience, when trying to change certain habits or patterns, of ending up with a feeling of failure. It is common to fall back into old ways of doing and thinking while we are trying to change.

Whether it is eating more muffins than usual on the first day of a diet, or falling back into arguments about the same old thing with our partner again, the process of counselling is about promoting change and walking alongside clients so new behaviours can be practised in a safe environment.

More often than not people return after the initial session saying they fell back into old habits and are convinced they are just not good enough to make changes or that it is just too hard to improve their circumstances.

There are many myths surrounding change. One of these myths is that change should take place suddenly and there should bes no falling back into old habits again while we are on the road to change.

In reality we do fall back into our old ways while trying to establish new patterns of behaviour and thinking, and we do that quite often. There is just no other way around it.

Our old habits served us quite well in the past, otherwise they would not have been established. The human body-mind-soul complex is a clever and ingenious system, which tries to keep everything in balance so we can survive physically and emotionally.

With that in mind, it drastically reduces pressure for people to hear they will, in some form, “fail”, while trying to develop a new habi. It doesn’t matter whether it is about giving up smoking, getting physically fit or trying to go to bed earlier and get more sleep.

This is just the way we are built as human beings and our subconscious mind will come up with a lot of resistance when we are trying to change something within ourselves.

For our  unconscious mind and emotions it is about being efficient, and being efficient means doing the same old thing every day. Any change is a threat to the system and will be met accordingly.

Who has not experienced the feeling of trying to think only positive thoughts, and having at least the same amount of negative thoughts greeting us to say “ Hello, we are still here!”?

This is very common and happens to almost everyone who is trying to change their ways and it is not about personal failure. It is the way change takes place and represents the fact that our inner system will at first be resistant to change and send a few storm troopers our way.

A successful change of old habits often happens when we accept there will be difficulties along the way and that is perfect. It’s fair to say the less pressure we apply, the faster and easier we will develop.

I can only say it is perfectly normal to “fail” the first time we try to change and not to give up. There will be difficulties and there will drawbacks. This is the nature of change.

Denise Reichenbach, Counsellor, Relationships Australia – Gladstone 

If you’ve been watching ABC Television’s fantastic series ‘Making Couples Happy‘, you would have had an introduction to the Five Love Languages on last night’s episode. One of our Gladstone counsellors, Denise Reichenbach, who writes a fortnightly column for The Gladstone Observer, shares her experience on the importance of understanding what says *love* to your partner:

Who has not heard of or experienced a scenario like this: Hubby is mowing the lawn with diligent commitment every weekend and really feels like he has accomplished something and what’s more, also displayed to his wife, that he cares, eg. for the place they live at, and loves her. Well, at least that is what he thinks. While the lady of the house is giving hint after hint, speaking of flowers and little gifts, only to be disappointed  by never receiving them. Her frustration is growing and after a while she does not feel listened to nor seen by her husband, while he feels that whatever he does is never acknowledged and all his sweetheart does is nag and complain.

I am sure, if we would speak to them individually, they would probably say that they love their  opposite very much indeed. So, how then can it be that inside ourselves, we know with absolute certainty, that we love our partner – but somehow along the way the display of love and appreciation is being misunderstood or completely lost in translation?!

Some people may say that it feels like there is distance growing between them. They talk of  feeling  disconnected, almost like standing at the opposite side of a canyon or river, shouting at each other that they love him or her, but the meaning gets lost under way and something completely different is being received – and all the while the gap is growing larger. This can be an enormous frustration for couples and it often feels to them like they are banging their head against the wall.

Now I am sure we all have asked ourselves the simple question “WHY”? Why is it so hard to be understood, by the very person we love the most and feel most intimate and comfortable with?

The answer here is rather simple really – because we are  and will always be different. This is not a bad thing at all. We have had individual upbringings, beliefs, values and expectations when it comes to our relationships and we each have specific, even unique ways of showing our love.

A book titled “Five Love Languages” deals with exactly this topic. Its author Gary Chapman concludes that people express their love in five different ways, although I would say that there are probably quite a few more. Specifically he talks about gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, “quality time” and affection.

Now, if we could find out what our partner’s “ love language” is, would that not make life a lot easier and straightforward?  The key to this is communication, to sit down and talk with each other, reflect on when we feel loved, what makes us feel appreciated.

And last but not least its important that the very reason of disagreeing and experiencing differences in our relationships is what brought us together in the first place. That we are different to our partner and we chose to get into a relationship exactly for the reason to not just be with the same familiar person every day, which is ourselves.

So it is not at all about trying to change our loved ones, or trying to make them more like us. It is about accepting our differences and cherishing them and communicate with each other, which brings us to the subject of the my next column, which is acceptance. Most couples state that accepting their partner for who they are is their major challenge and it is often the area, where they feel, the most work is required.

Denise Reichenbach

Some people celebrate Valentine’s Day, and others think it’s just a commercial farce. Whatever way you look at it, this might be a good time to think about the work that you are putting into your relationship every day of the year.

Research by Relationships Australia and the Australian National University has shown that couples who participate in relationship education courses are more likely to be happier in their relationships, find it easier to communicate their concerns, and deal with conflict.

Relationships Australia offers a range of courses throughout the year, including Building Better Relationships. It’s for couples of all ages, stages and sexuality. Facilitator, Sue Wilson, shares her experience of the course’s success.

“One couple recently (let’s call them Val and Terry) made us all laugh at the last session of the six-week course. Val said, “This course has been much better than counselling.” Terry said, “But you’ve never been to counselling in your life!”

I love the fact that the groups have fun and grow to trust each other (within the bounds of strict confidentiality, of course.) The facilitators make sure that participants feel at ease but also challenged to make the changes they choose in their lives. And we keep the groups to a maximum of seven couples so it’s all quite interactive.

One of the topics is the “five languages of love.” In their quiet couple sharing during this session, Val and Terry listened generously to each other and discovered they had very different “love languages.” Val often left little cards all over the house, expressing her love for Terry. Now it became clear that Terry felt embarrassed by these cards. So instead Val began to do something that Terry had been longing for – a simple cup of tea in bed in the mornings! And Terry made a point of saying thank you and leaving her an occasional card! Val said to me, “Suddenly I felt loved again.”

They’re not the only couple who find that simply listening to each other is the most important step in healing or building a relationship. As the Australian researcher Hugh Mackay has said, in The Good Listener, “Listening is an act of courage, generosity and patience.” Terry demonstrated that speaking honestly about your own feelings and needs is also important. Terry said to Val, “I want to listen well, and yet I get tired and confused by too many words. I need to take a break after twenty minutes.” So that became a helpful guideline for both of them.

In fact, we invite all the couples to draw up their own guidelines for Conflict Resolution. These often become known as the couple’s own Fighting Rules! Terry and Val wrote four key things for their behaviour and put them up on their fridge: “Notice when Val ‘demands’ and Terry ‘withdraws.’ Take time out when either of us gets angry. Both of us calm ourselves until we can talk sensibly. Have a hug that lasts for more than seven seconds.” Their friends saw the “Fighting Rules” on their fridge, and they all had a chat about their relationships – first time they had ever opened up such an intimate exchange.

This couple’s evaluation at the end of the course included a lovely comment: “We came to the course believing that our long marriage was probably not worth the effort that we thought we were putting into it. Now we seem to have a bright future together.” “

If you’d like to attend a Building Better Relationships course for couples, they are running throughout the year at Relationships Australia Spring Hill (and some other venues around Queensland.)

The courses typically run over six consecutive evenings, from 6pm–8.30pm. Cost is currently $110 per person, per course.

At Spring Hill, the start dates of the next courses are:

Monday 8 April; Monday 8 July; and Monday 14 October.

Please phone 1300 364 277 to find out more about what Relationships Australia has to offer you, in your own area.

Couples often express the same issue; they have difficulty in communicating. Communication is an important factor in every relationship and is necessary in creating solid foundations for a healthy and respectful couple relationship. 

Good communication consists of three essential skills

• Listening to what the other person is saying,
• Expressing how you feel and what you think, and
• Accepting the other person’s opinions and feelings, even when they are different from your own.

World renowned psychologist Dr John Gottman has found through his research into couples, that there are four particular types of negative interactions that can be very damaging to a relationship. Gottman calls them “the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse.” 

The Four Horsemen are:

Criticism: most of us will have some complaints about a person we live with. But there is a significant difference between a complaint and a criticism. A complaint focuses on a specific action e.g. “you forgot to put the bin out again.”  A criticism is directed at your partner’s character or personality, suggesting there may be something wrong him or her e.g. “you always forget to put the bin out, you’re hopeless!” Criticism is very common in relationships; the problem with criticism is that when it becomes pervasive, it paves the way for the other more destructive horsemen.

Contempt: Sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eye-rolling, mockery, and hostile humour are all forms of contempt. In whatever form, contempt is destructive to a relationship because it is demeaning and conveys disgust. For example, “My family wouldn’t be so low as to do something like that, unlike your family.” Contempt is fuelled by long-standing negative thoughts about the partner. You’re more likely to express contempt if your differences are not resolved. Inevitably, contempt leads to more conflict rather than to reconciliation.

Defensiveness: When conversations become negative, and you feel criticised and attacked, it is natural to want to defend yourself. However, research shows that this approach rarely has the desired effect. The attacking spouse does not back down or apologise. This is because defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner. You’re saying, in effect, “The problem isn’t me, it’s you.” Defensiveness just escalates the conflict.

Stonewalling: In relationships where discussions lead to a cycle of criticism, contempt, and defensiveness, eventually one partner tunes out. During a typical conversation between two people, the listener indicates that they are paying attention. They may use eye contact, nod their head, and say something like “Yeah” or “Uh-huh.” A stonewaller doesn’t give you this sort of feedback. They tend to look away or down without uttering a sound. They sit like an impassive stone wall. The stonewaller acts as though they couldn’t care less about what you’re saying even if they hear it. The less responsive they are, the more persistent the other person becomes.. By turning away from them, they are avoiding a fight, but they are also avoiding the marriage or relationship. Although both men and women can be stonewallers, this behaviour is more common among men.

If these horsemen are present when couples talk, it may not necessarily mean the end of the relationship, but it generally does mean that each time couples engage in conversation it makes it harder and harder to positively communicate and this can lead to a breakdown of the relationship over time.
So how can we better communicate with our partner without using the four horsemen?  There are some things that we can do that not only help get our message across to our partner, but also build healthy relationship where both can openly and assertively express themselves.

• Choose the right time and place to talk, not when you are busy or tired.  Make a special time to discuss important issues.
• Don’t go off on a tangent, stick to the issue
• Think of the positives as well.  It is hard to be nasty if you are thinking of good things about your partner.  You will find you can still get your point across, but the insults will not be present.
• Make your point and encourage your partner to be involved.
• Accept that your partner and you can never think or feel the same about issues. 
• And finally be aware of gender differences in communication and discuss these differences, if they exist with you and your partner

o Often men offer solutions to problems and want to achieve results whereas women want to share feelings and discuss difficulties
o Men’s talk is concerned with exhibiting knowledge, passing on information, preserving status and independent,
o Women’s talk is on the emphasis of displaying similarity, establishing connections and creating intimacy.
o Men tend to think internally and express the finished product of their thoughts, whereas women tend to think aloud, sharing their inner dialogue to arrive at a decision or simply to share their thoughts.

Gottman’s research also shows that it isn’t only how couples communicate and disagree that matters, but how they make up after an argument. Relationships stabilise over time if couples learn to reconcile successfully after an argument.

At Relationships Australia, we offer couple counselling which can assist you and your partner in building, re-building and maintaining a healthy relationship.  Call 1300 364 277 to find your nearest Relationships Australia branch.

This article was written and supplied by Relationships Australia Queensland. Any reproduction of this article is prohibited unless agreed upon by Relationships Australia Queensland.

Relationship Separation is often a confusing time for adults.  While there can be feelings ranging from relief to shock and a sense of betrayal and failure, and everything in between, it is important to remember that children too are often left feeling bewildered and angry because of their parent’s separation, or are left feeling a whole range of emotions that they may be ill-equipped to identify, and to understand. 

Loving parents often want to ease their children’s sense of confusion, but sometimes struggle to do so while they are dealing with many emotions themselves.  There are ways however, that, even while going through a complex and difficult time themselves, parents can still put in place some good strategies that will help ensure that their children come through their separation, resilient.  It is not within the scope of this article to go into all aspects of supporting children through separation (there are many good publications that do that) but to provide a few ideas that could be of benefit to parents.

Telling the Children

One of the first tasks of separation that parents are faced with is how to tell the children.  Children need to have information that makes sense of what is happening, but in an age-appropriate way.  There is no need to go into a great deal of detail about the history of the adult relationship difficulties, rather children need clarity about matters such as where their parents will be living now, what that means for them, how often they will be seeing the non-residential parent, the availability of the absent parent by phone or other means etc.

It is my experience in my role as a Child Consultant at the Family Relationship Centre at Upper Mt Gravatt that parents are often very proactive in telling their children that while their own adult relationship had broken down, this did not impact on their feelings for their children.  While this information is reassuring for a child, it is really only half the message that children need to hear.  Children need to know that it is OK with each of their separating parents that they spend quality time with the other parent, and they need to know that it is OK with their separating parents that they love the other parent.  While this may be difficult for some adults to tell their children honestly, it is important that the adult’s feelings are not imposed on their children.

Conflict and Communication

At the Family Relationship Centre, we are often told that children are not aware of the conflict that exists between two separated parents.  From infanthood, however, children learn that their basic needs are met by their being tuned into their parent’s emotional state.  Children can be very intuitive in regard to their parent’s feelings – especially their feelings about their ex-partner.  Too often, children learn too early that to keep themselves safe emotionally they need to keep secrets – protecting Mum and Dad from information regarding the other parent, and ultimately protecting themselves from feelings of disloyalty, guilt or from feeling like they have displeased one parent.  Over time, these children can develop complex strategies in order to manoeuvre what they perceive as the dangerous territory of adult relationships.  While, for some adults, it at times may seem that it is almost impossible to hear news of the other parent in a completely passive way, parents will need to exercise some emotional restraint for the sake of their children.  Reducing conflict and increasing positive communication is the key to children’s transition through the difficult time of parental break up.

Emotional Health and Literacy

It has been consistently shown in research that the adjustment of children to divorce is strongly correlated with the psychological adjustment of parents (Hetherington & Stanley–Hagan, 1999). Children need to know that it is OK to ask for help.  In this regard, parents can lead by example.  It is not selfish for adults to look after their emotional and their own health needs at this time.  This way, parents are better equipped to support their children.  There is no failure in parents’ admission that a Professional may be needed to help their children deal with the complex changes that a marriage or relationship break up brings.  This equally applies to adults, who can often benefit from seeking Professional help. 

Parents can help their children by talking to them about things that bring them joy or comfort.  This way children can make a connection between their feelings and a variety of ways they can self-soothe.  This does not require going into a great deal of detail about adult feelings, but rather by making a simple statement like “I feel calm when I go for a walk by the sea”.  Listening to music, talking to a friend, or digging in a garden are among many ways to demonstrate to children that there are healthy ways to self-soothe.  The concept of identification of feelings and expressing them in a healthy or creative way helps children build Emotional Literacy.

Structure and Consistency

Separation can be a time of great adjustment to routine.  Structure and consistency in a supportive environment is important to children of all ages and parenting that is nurturing and also authoritative (not authoritarian) is related to child adjustment following divorce and separation (Hetherington & Stanley-Hagan, 1989).

It is wise to, as far as possible, keep change to a minimum.  Children who are exposed to multiple stressors and change are at a greater risk of poor adjustment. 

While some change at this time will be necessary, parents can find ways to minimise these.  One way for a non resident parent to minimise change is to stay geographically close to children, so that, when they spend time with the non-resident parent, much of their environment is familiar and other aspects of their lives eg. Friends and extra-curricular activities are close.

A Final Word

The two major pointers to children’s adjustment to their parent’s separation that have continually been identified in the relevant literature are the exposure the child has to interparental conflict, and the quality of the parent-child relationship.  It is not, therefore, separation itself that impacts negatively on child well being, but the ongoing exposure the child has to conflict. (O’Hanlon, Patterson and Parham, 2007).

And finally, while divorce and separation is associated with an increased risk for children in relation to adjustment, achievement and relationship difficulties, resilience is the norm (Amato, 2001).  This knowledge must be tempered, however, with the understanding that this resilience may best be achieved where parents are committed to ending the conflict between themselves, and where they are committed to providing for their children a safe, supported and nurturing environment.

Karen Marshall, Clinical Supervisor and Child Consultant at RAQ

References

Amato, P.R. (2001).  Children of Divorce in the 1990’s:  An update of the Amato and Keith (1991) Meta analysis.  Journal of Family Psychology, 15, 355-370.

Hetherington, E.M. & Stanley-Hagan, M. (1999).  The adjustment of children with divorced parents:  A risk and resiliency perspective.  Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 40, 129-140.

Hetherington, E.M. & Stanley-Hagan, M., & Anderson, E.R. (1989).  Marital transistions:  A child’s perspective.  American Psychologist, 44, 303-312.

O’Hanlon, A., & Patterson, A., & Parham, J (2007).  Managing the impact of separation and divorce on children.  Overview of the literature. The Australian Psychological Society Ltd

Stepfamilies today are becoming a prominent part of Australian family life. It is estimated that one in five Australian families is a stepfamily. National Stepfamily Awareness Day is a day dedicated to stepfamilies and an opportunity for communities to celebrate and acknowledge stepfamilies and the vital role that stepparents play in the lives of the children and young people they care for.

Friends and extended family often don’t realise just how hard it can be for stepfamilies, particularly in the first few years, when stepfamilies most need their support. National Stepfamily Awareness Day helps promote community awareness about the challenges that stepfamilies face and the services available to support families through difficult times.

Stepfamilies face a range of unique and complex challenges and it is not uncommon for stepfamilies to go through stages of confusion, conflict and crisis before finding their way and developing strong family bonds.

More than half of parents who separate, re-partner. Yet the dynamics and the complexity of the new family relationships mean stepfamilies are continually at risk of conflict and are at a much higher risk of separation than biological families. Stepparents often find themselves ill equipped to deal with the myriad of adjustments and emotions they experience in their new role.

Many relationship difficulties can be managed and supported with the right kind of help. At Relationships Australia we understand the unique differences associated with stepfamilies. We provide assistance to families where one or both partners come together with children from an earlier relationship. These families may be either thinking about forming or already living in a married or unmarried stepfamily situation.

At Relationships Australia we believe that healthy relationships are crucial to a persons development and individual growth and that our relationships impact on our well being and happiness. When our personal relationships are not working well, our ability to cope with other areas of our life is often affected.

If you would like support for your family, please contact Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 for information about our services, and to make an appointment.

Keeping the home fires burning when from dawn to dusk all hands are on deck trying to keep the family business going can be difficult. Romance and quality time with your partner and family can be pushed down the priority list when the cattle need to be shifted to a new pasture, the cows need milking, the chickens need feeding and the crop needs harvesting – whew! Romance isn’t just about champagne, flowers, expensive dinners and weekends away – it is about the time and effort someone puts in to thinking of their partner and expressing their feelings about that person. Here are a few tips from Relationships Australia on keeping the romance in your relationship on the land:-

• Send a text message or email telling your partner that you love them. Each of us needs to know that someone loves us on a regular basis and is thinking of them. A simple text message or email can be enough to put a smile on that special someone’s face – even if you are only a few meters from each other!
• Send a digital photo either via email or phone. Technology is fantastic for being able to quickly communicate with people while being physically away from them. Invest in a digital camera or get a camera phone and take some happy snaps from the farm and arrange for your partner to send you some while you are out fixing fences or planting a new crop. You may be surprised that you end up communicating more than you would if you were in front of each other!
• Get dressed up for dinner. No you don’t have to go to a restaurant, make a date to have a special meal at home with your partner but both of you agree to dress up. Most of us only dress up on special occasions, but they may be few and far between. So make up a special occasion and get out the finery and put it on!
• Write little love notes to your partner and leave them in small hiding places around the house before you go to work. Put them in places you know that you partner will go to over the week, like amongst the socks, in the bits n pieces draw, the freezer, inside a favourite cup, in the cereal box, under their pillow, in their wallet, on the seat of the ute, on top of the feed bales or in their lunch box.
• Make a date. Yes, make a day/time for just the two of you. It doesn’t mean that you have to book a restaurant or leave the house. It may be booking your partner for a cup of tea and scones on the back verandah for an hour while the children are off playing or doing their homework. Some quality conversation time for the two of you may be just the romance you need.
• Open the photo albums and spend some time with your partner and family going through them. You can get quite sentimental and romantic just looking back at your dating times, your wedding, the baby photos, birthdays, etc… You may then talk about adding some photos from now or an upcoming holiday or party. Photos often get us talking about the past and thinking about the future.
• Get healthy. Take your partner for a walk and hold hands. A simple gesture but when was the last time you took your partner’s hand?
• Write a letter telling your partner how much you love, admire and appreciate them. Focus on the good qualities (resist any temptation to mention something that annoys you as it defeats the purpose). Spend some time on it and hand write it. It will mean so much to your partner as we often get so busy that we forget to mention how much our loved ones mean to us. It is also the sort of romantic item that your partner can look at over and over again when they might be feeling a little sad or lonely.
• Hug. Make sure the first thing you do when you get home next time is hug your partner. A big, long hug and maybe even a kiss. Simple, but effective.
• Be creative. Write a poem, paint a picture, make something or do something that you know your partner will appreciate and treasure.
• Take a holiday. Try to ensure you take a holiday every year even if it is for a week. It is important to take a break from our everyday activities in order to refresh the mind and the body. If you stay on your property you will still be thinking about what needs to be done and may end up doing it so get away.

This article was written and supplied by Relationships Australia Queensland. Any reproduction of this article is prohibited unless agreed upon by Relationships Australia Queensland.

Many fathers today see themselves as an integral part of family life no longer content to put all their energy and love into their careers. Increasingly, fathers are taking time to play, cuddle, talk and teach their children.

Unlike the past, where fathers were more inclined to be distant, fathers today are seeking to share parenting responsibility, strive for a better balance between work and home and to be there to encourage, support and believe in their children.

Fathers bring different things to parenting, things that are unique and irreplaceable in the way they show consistency, firmness, warmth and involvement.

There are a number of things that children like to do with Dads

• Accompany Dad on adventures and experiences in the big wide world
• Hear stories about Dad’s life and see what they are doing for a living
• Learn to make and fix things together
• Play and cuddle

Separation and divorce can often be a huge blow to a father’s hopes and dreams for his children. If you are in this situation it is important to remember that you divorce your partner not your children.

Relationships Australia can assist former partners through mediation to work out an ongoing parenting plan. This will ensure that fathers still stay connected to their children and the children benefit from being loved and cared for by both parents.

Relationships Australia can be contacted on 1300 364 277.